I watched a video of my four year old self telling the camera that I am going to have a daughter. I then begin describing the turquoise motor home with pink shutters that I plan to sell art, rocks, and shells out of when I grow up. It actually sounds like a pretty sweet life. Except the kid. I don’t know about the kid.
I love hanging out with other peoples children, but I can’t remember a time in my life (other than when I was 4 apparently) when I actually desired to have a child of my own. Is my biological clock broken? Maybe. I am 31. When I get quiet and search my soul there is no desire there.
Yet, according to my grandparents, my parents, and society (basically everyone in my life) having kids is just a given. It’s something you do. Period. Just the suggestion that I may not have kids literally blows their minds!
It’s interesting what assumptions people jump to when I tell them that I don’t want to have children. I’ve been called selfish. I’ve been told I’ll change my mind when I meet the “right” person. I’ve had people exclaim, “But I thought you were such a nice person.” I call BS on all of these assumptions.
Not having children isn’t selfish. That makes no sense. Selfish means to lack consideration for others, and to be concerned chiefly with ones self. There is no other here. The child in question does not actually exist. Now, bringing a child into this world just because it is expected of me when I actually don’t want it would be selfish. And in the same way, a persons “niceness” level has nothing to do with whether or not they have children.
“But you will I regret it,” they say. “One day when you’re old you’ll wish you had children.” Maybe. I might change my mind one day. But I don’t make decisions based on fear of regret. I choose to follow my intuition in this moment.
Do I want to have kids? No. And that is okay.
Can anyone out there relate?
P.s. If you know the name of the artist of the cartoon above please let me know!