I Started A Vlog!

I recently discovered that I absolutely love creating and editing videos. This is something that I’ve been interested in trying for a long time, but my insecurities have held me back. I don’t particularly like the way I look or sound in video, I feel super awkward while filming myself, and I’m worried that people may judge me if I really put myself out there through this medium.

However, my desire to try this new art form, share my story, and connect with people all over the world in a more intimate way has has overcome all of those insecurities. So, I started a YouTube channel and I’m jumping into this vlogging thing head first!

My Very First Vlog:

Talking a bit about how much fun I’m having with this channel:

If you want to go on this vlogging journey with me please give those videos a “like” and subscribe to my channel “Eva Is Lost.” I have some seriously EPIC journey’s coming up, including a tip to Nepal and the Everest Base Camp, that I cannot wait to share with you!

Love,

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The Distractions Are Endless

sketch_distractions

Yesterday afternoon I arrived early to a bar where I was to meet a friend for drinks. Per usual I had listened to a podcast on the commute. While debating how to kill the extra time a thought came to me:

It never stops. The distractions are endless.

Rarely do I take time to think for myself. Instead I just listen, respond, regurgitate.

So, I sat down and started writing in my journal. The following words flowed from my pen.

I am constantly listeneing to someone elses voice, reading someone elses words, admiring someone elses art. Now, when it comes to formulating my own thoughts I have difficulty. It’s really quite sad and somewhat scary. My mind goes blank. I’m out of practice.

At work I constantly listen to music. While walking around the city I listen to podcasts. At home I almost always have a TV show on. On the train I’m scrolling through some social medial site. Moreover, I typically I feel the need to do at least two things at once; detailing floor plans and listening to a podcast, typing an email and eating, watching TV and drawing, watching a movie and scrolling through instagram.

I can’t seem to just focus on my work. Just draw. Just watch a movie. Just walk. Just sit. Just be still.

Where is the white space? Where is the time to think?

I remember back in school when I wrote papers, long papers, expressing my thoughts and feelings about a book or an artistic moment. I had opinions and I knew how to express them. However, since then it’s as if my mind has been white washed by the constant availibility of entertainment. It’s like I’m addicted. The likes, the follows, the comments, the drama; they hit me like a drug. They leave little room or time for original thoughts.

This is why I love writing blog posts. It requires my total focus. Maybe some people can multi-task while writing, but I am not that talented.

Writing gives me the opportunity to sort out my feelings and articulate my opinions. In my journals I pour out my heart and soul, and in each blog post I refine and articulate my ideas.

It’s time to limit the media and prioritize my original thoughts. Only then can I truely show up as my authentic self if this world. And I, like everyone else, am here for a reason. I have something unique to share and I plan to spend my entire life expressing whatever that is thorugh my writing, my art, my being.

How do you limit and overcome the distractions in your life?

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Confessions of a Perfectionist

Sketch-perfection

“Perfectionist” is a mask that I have worn for far too long.  A mask that I’ve worn to cover up a deep seated fear that I would never be good enough. A mask that, to this day, I often have a hard time taking off. I am a recovering perfectionist. Case in point: I just spent half an hour tweaking the size and color levels of the artwork at the top of the page :/

Truth be told, perfectionism has gotten me very far in life. In school I was always at the top of my class (and by top I mean the very top), and I’ve excelled in my career. In the past I wore the title of perfectionist proudly. Now I realize that what I once considered a a badge of honor has actually held me back in life.

Below are some confessions of a perfectionist:

Perfectionism is the fuel in my self-degradation fire. Perfection is a completely abstract, un-quantifiable, and entirely subjective concept. When I shoot for perfection I am grasping for air. I am setting myself up for failure. Whenever people give me complements my first reaction is to point out something wrong, or less than perfect, about whatever they are complementing. I justify this self-degradation by staying, “I’m a perfectionist,” with a shrug and a smile.

Perfectionism stops me from starting. Whenever I have an inspired, creative idea I instantly start to overthink it. I feel like I can’t start something until I have the end game all figured out. However, the truth is I can never fully control anything in this life. No amount of worry or over-analyzing can change that.

Perfectionism gives me an excuse to procrastinate. When working on a new project, whether it be designing a building, starting this blog, or starting a new piece of art, I use to research, research, research. Then tweak, tweak, tweak. Then perfect, perfect, perfect. Then decide the whole thing was shit, throw it out, and start over. I was so overwhelmed with a desire to make something “the best” that I would rarely ever make anything at all.

Perfectionism stunts my growth. Because I’ve been so scared to make a mistake, look stupid, or fail at things I rarely step out of my comfort zone when it comes to my career. Yes, I have been “successful” in my life according to social standards, but that desire to appear perfect has led to me excel in a career that I don’t actually like. And has made shifting my career towards something more meaningful and fulfilling difficult for me.

Perfectionism has led me to disregard my health. I have never shied away from hard work, and by hard work I mean not sleeping for a week in order do my absolute best on a project. I probably average four hours of sleep a night for five year of my life in college and graduate school. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to create the best work. Nothing else mattered. And health-wise I have been paying for it. Even after four years of prioritizing my health I still experience chronic headaches, debilitating migraines, adrenal fatigue, and other health issues that developed as a result of my perfectionist ways.

Perfectionism makes it difficult to let go. There are projects and people in my life that I have taken far too long to “quit.” I get stuck in the mindset of, ” I should be able to make this work.” And for the longest time I saw letting go as a sign of failure. I now know that letting go is not giving up. I wrote a whole blog post about it here.

I have been working to let go of my perfectionist tenancies for a couple years now. The more inner work I do the more ingrained I realize this characteristic is. It’s been tough, but completely worth it. This blog would not exist if I hadn’t made a decision to let go of perfectionism and start before I’m ready.

Perfectionism is just fear in a pretty, socially acceptable mask. Lets not let fear dictate our lives.

Let it go. Start before you’re ready. Make a move. It feels amazing.

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Blogging Goals

Do a headstand by summer – CHECK! (see feature image)

Next goal? Create a better blog!

I just signed up for the WordPress Branding & Growth course. The day one challenge is to set three actionable goals, so here we go!

  1. Publish twice a month for the next three months (through the end of August).

I started this blog because I feel that (a) I have something to say, (b) I have something to share, and (c) writing helps me work through my thoughts, opinions, and emotions. Posting consistently will help me develop my voice and improve my writing. That headstand took some practice, and so will becoming a better blogger.

2.  Have a well designed blog that I am proud of by July 17th.

I am a designer. It’s not only my day job (I’m an architect), but also an integral part of who I am. Beautiful design makes me happy. My perception of everything that I come in contact with – a website, a store, a t-shirt, anything  – is greatly influenced by its level of design. Good design makes me linger. I want people to linger here. I want to express myself visually, not just through words.

3. Find my community.

For the next three months I commit to:

A. Spending 1 hour per week reading and commenting on the blogs of those who have followed and liked my posts.

B. Spend 1 hour per week finding & exploring new blogs, and commenting on a minimum of 3 blog posts.

I guess that’s kind of cheating. Two goals in one. I’ll let it slide.

So there you have it folks! My three #bloggingbranding goals.

Lets grow together and inspire each other! Let me know if you have (or are) participating in this course!

Insecure Writer

There are so many topics that I’ve been inspired to write about. But I don’t. Insecurity comes up every time. My though process goes like this:

“Someone has undoubtedly already written about this topic, and they’re most likely more articulate, knowledgeable and eloquent than I am.”

Inspiration gone. But…

What if I just write to write. As a cathartic practice. As a form of self-love. As a way to help myself formulate my thoughts and feelings. No agenda beyond that. Just as I hike for no other reason than because being in nature satisfies some primal un-explainable desire, what if I write for no other reason than because I feel a deep desire to do so?

What do you do to overcome your insecurities around writing?